For some reason, whenever I have an off day coming up, I always feel the need to plan the day. I'll even start by making an outline...what will be for breakfast and if I'll be running or doing yoga. Sometimes I go as far as to make a list of all the things I want to accomplish in that day. This need to plan every thing and fill every moment drives me insane. I heard a woman the other day tell one of our doctors when he asked her what was going on in her world (this woman has had breast cancer for years) "well....today I think I will make a flower arrangement." It was such s simple answer and I've thought about it ever since.
One of my main new year resolutions was to live in the now. When your mind and body have been on auto pilot for so long its very foreign when you have an awakening and step out of that box. I'm trying very hard, perhaps too hard to pay attention to what the universe is telling me. I've done everything it's told me to do so now I'm just sitting here waiting for what's next. Exactly where I am today is no accident. I'm exactly where I'm meant to be and I am ready for what's next. Buzzing with readiness and this week I think I finally understand.
I have had issues with working part time. It's gone in stages. At first, I was too busy to have any free time on my days off whatsoever. And I kept longing for a day when I could sit and do nothing. And then all of a sudden....that's exactly what happened. And I hated it. I would get panicky and think...is this what I'm doing with my life?? I felt it was so pointless for me to not be working. I would feel guilty for it. I would feel lazy. If all the housework was done, I'd find myself walking around looking for things to do.
It has really been a challenge. But that's what I asked for. And last week I understood that my next lesson is to be still. Without feeling anxious and without feeling guilty or bored or lazy. All this time, without knowing, this is what I've wanted most to learn.
I have worked a full time job since I was 14 years old, sometimes working 2 jobs at once. I was raised that if you're not working, then you're lazy. And it's very hard to change that mindset. "Well she doesn't work...she has plenty of time." I've heard things like that my whole life about people who work part time or don't work at all and it gets under my skin these days. It's something I have to overcome.
This has always been one of my favorite Iron and Wine songs. Maybe my most favorite. I've listened to it over and over this morning. It's very calming and quiet and perfect on this rainy day. The house is dark and as I'm sitting here at the kitchen table listening, something Jason says all the time comes to mind. 'This is what my life looks like.'
One of my main new year resolutions was to live in the now. When your mind and body have been on auto pilot for so long its very foreign when you have an awakening and step out of that box. I'm trying very hard, perhaps too hard to pay attention to what the universe is telling me. I've done everything it's told me to do so now I'm just sitting here waiting for what's next. Exactly where I am today is no accident. I'm exactly where I'm meant to be and I am ready for what's next. Buzzing with readiness and this week I think I finally understand.
I have had issues with working part time. It's gone in stages. At first, I was too busy to have any free time on my days off whatsoever. And I kept longing for a day when I could sit and do nothing. And then all of a sudden....that's exactly what happened. And I hated it. I would get panicky and think...is this what I'm doing with my life?? I felt it was so pointless for me to not be working. I would feel guilty for it. I would feel lazy. If all the housework was done, I'd find myself walking around looking for things to do.
It has really been a challenge. But that's what I asked for. And last week I understood that my next lesson is to be still. Without feeling anxious and without feeling guilty or bored or lazy. All this time, without knowing, this is what I've wanted most to learn.
I have worked a full time job since I was 14 years old, sometimes working 2 jobs at once. I was raised that if you're not working, then you're lazy. And it's very hard to change that mindset. "Well she doesn't work...she has plenty of time." I've heard things like that my whole life about people who work part time or don't work at all and it gets under my skin these days. It's something I have to overcome.
This has always been one of my favorite Iron and Wine songs. Maybe my most favorite. I've listened to it over and over this morning. It's very calming and quiet and perfect on this rainy day. The house is dark and as I'm sitting here at the kitchen table listening, something Jason says all the time comes to mind. 'This is what my life looks like.'
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